Thoughts
by Violet Abilene
Summary: "Lieutenant, you need to open your eyes!...Please, Riza. I need you to open your eyes." Roy and Riza's thoughts when a mission goes wrong. COMPLETE!
1. Blood

**AN: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. This is the first non-one shot that I've ever done, so, if my lack of experience with how chapters flow is apparent, please forgive. Enjoy.**

'It's too much blood.'

That's what Roy thought when he saw Riza lying on the ground, her eyes closed and her abdomen bleeding profusely. Blood, _her _blood, was everywhere. It stained her uniform and the ground beneath her, streaking the dirt with a deep crimson color that would forever be imprinted in Roy's mind. This blood was worse than any blood he had ever had to see.

That was because this blood was supposed to be in the body of the person that he cared about the most in this world. It was supposed to be keeping her alive, not saturating the ground.

Roy found it impossible that one single person could have so much of that sickening red fluid in their body to spill. Yet, there was her's. It was her's alone that spilled and spread.

He kneeled down beside Riza and placed a hand on her check, ever so gently, like she was a fragile vase or a work of art. Roy found it ironic that his murderous hands could even be capable of being so gentle, even toward this woman that he loved so much. He thought, fleetingly, that maybe it was the law of equivalent exchange, or something similar to it, at work. Since his hands had hurt her in the past, even if it was with her consent, his hands could also be used to impart a tender gesture onto her.

"Lieutenant, you need to open your eyes! Please, show me that you're still here. That you can hear me. I'm not going to let you die, lieutenant! Riza," Roy added softly, the desperation that had been slowly creeping up his body finally overcoming him. "Please, Riza. I need you to open your eyes."

For a moment, Roy thought that is was too late. That Riza had already died and that he was begging to a corpse at that point. For a moment, his world- a world whose future had always included Riza- fell apart around him.

It was only for a moment, though. In the next moment, something happend that made Roy know that his pleas hadn't been in vain.

In the next moment, Riza Hawkeye opened her eyes.


	2. For Him

'It wasn't supposed to end up like this'

That's what Riza thought as she lay on the ground, blood flowing around her like a river out of hell. This mission wasn't supposed to be dangerous. It was intended to be an information gathering mission in order to determine whether or not a group of rebels had plans to overthrow the military.

It had been a relatively simple task, something that Riza had noted in her head as she walked back to the point where she was to meet Colonel Mustang and Second Lieutenant Havoc. That is, until someone grabbed her from behind and slammed her up against a wall. She was able to scream before the attacker sliced a dagger through her abdomen, which silenced her. She fell to the ground as the attacker fled. Now, Riza was staring up at the cloudless sky, her awareness of the world around her slipping away. It wasn't long before she lost consciousness.

Riza wasn't sure how long she was out, if it was only a few minutes or if it was hours before she felt the slight warmth of someone's hand on her cheek. Then, she heard his voice.

Roy.

Riza could hear Roy telling her, practically begging her, to open her eyes. He used her rank at first, his voice the same strong tone that Riza knew so well. Then, as desperation replaced this strong tone, he used her first name, something that he hadn't done in years. It was heartbreaking, his voice, so much so that Riza knew exactly what she had to do.

She had to hang on. Of this, there was no doubt. She had to open her eyes and prove her status as part of the living, even though she feared she still wouldn't be for very much longer. She had to do it for Roy. Riza would do anything for that man, even slightly delay her own death.

As long as her delay meant that he could have even a fraction of hope, she would do it.

Slowly, Riza opened her eyes. It was a difficult feat but she did it. Initally, she could only make out a blurry shape, black and navy mixing together. Then, her eyes regained their sharpness, like a camera lens finally going into focus. She could fully see Roy now, his face the picture of both concern and fear.

"Colonel...I'm sorry," Riza said, her voice just barely above a whisper. She was sorry for not being careful enough. Sorry that she had let herself get hurt. Mostly, though, she was sorry that Roy was so fearful, so desperate, because of her. She decided then and there that, if she lived, she'd never again put him through so much hell.

"You don't need to apologize, lieutenant. I just need you to stay with me."

Riza gave him what she hoped was a solid gaze. "Yes, sir."

Roy gave her a small smile and then turned to look at Havoc, who had been standing behind Roy, a worried look etched on his face.

"Havoc, go get help, quick!"

Before Roy could finish, though, Havoc began to walk off.

"Way ahead of you, sir!" Havoc called.

As Havoc left, Roy carefully drew Riza into his arms.

"Just hang on, Riza," Roy said quietly. "We're going to get you help."

And so she did. As they waited, Roy clutching Riza to his body, her head so close to his chest that she could hear his rapid heartbeat, Riza hung on.

She didn't just do it for herself.

She did it for him.


	3. Fear And Normal

**AN: And another chapter! Sorry that these have only been coming out once every two weeks. Although, you will be happy to know that I'm currently working on chapter four, so I think I'm learning how to get my butt in gear! I do not own FMA but you already knew that. Enjoy!**

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'I don't think I've ever seen him so afraid.'

That's what Havoc thought as he waited in the hospital's waiting room with Roy. He couldn't help but go over all that had happened in what seemed like a short amount of time. Mustang and Havoc had been waiting for Hawkeye in the alley where she was to meet them when they heard the scream. Havoc had never seen his usually unshakeable commanding officer so afraid until that scream had pierced the air. It had been short, not even lasting for half of a minute before ending.

It was enough for Roy, though. He had immediately jumped to his feet and started toward where the scream had started, Havoc following after him after a few seconds' hesitation. Havoc had found it hard to keep up with the colonel, who seemed to be taking three steps every time Havoc took one.

When they had found her, bleeding and presumably unconscience, Havoc could see panic flood Roy's expression. When Roy had kneeled down beside Riza and started telling her to open her eyes, Havoc stood behind him, unsure of what to do. He stood there, hoping that the ever loyal Hawkeye would once again do what was asked of her. Havoc had the feeling that she would do anything for Roy, no matter what. In this case, it seemed she was willing to stave off death. The fact that she was ready and able to do that amazed Havoc. Perhaps, however, that is how true devotion and loyalty works. Death seems insignificant when you're trying to stay loyal to someone you care about.

When she did open her eyes and Roy told Havoc to find help, Havoc quickly complied. Luckily, a hospital was nearby. When he explained to the doctors what had happend, they sent out an ambulance to the location Havoc told them. Within minutes, Roy and Riza had arrived at the hospital and Riza was wheeled away on a gurney.

They waited in silence. Havoc wasn't sure what he could say at that point. Plus, he thought that, even if he did say something, Roy wouldn't really hear it anyway. He was lost in thought, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration.

Nearly two hours later, a doctor approached them.

"You two are with Miss Hawkeye, correct?"

Roy nodded. "How is she?"

"She lost a lot of blood," the doctor began. "We're worried about what type of long-term effects it possibly could have on her. The fact that she's still unconscience doesn't help matters. At this point, anything could happen. It all depends on whether or not she pulls through and wakes up."

The two were quiet for a few moments before Roy broke the silence.

"Can we see her?"

The doctor nodded and gave them the number of the room that she was in. Havoc, knowing that Roy probably wanted to see Riza alone, stood outside the doorway as Roy went in.

'This is going to be a long ride.'

OOOOOOO

'She looks so normal.'

That's what Roy thought when he saw Riza lying in the hospital bed, her long hair spread around her. She just looked like she was sleeping, so serene and still, like an undisturbed body of water. The only indicators that something was amiss were the IV in her arm and her skin, which had gone pale from the blood loss. She didn't look like she was fighting for her life.

Roy sat down in the chair next to her bed and took her hand, lightly stroking her palm with his thumb.

"Riza, it's me. I hope that some part of you can hear me because...because I need you to open your eyes. You're a fighter, so I know you can. You were able to back there. You just need to fight this. Whatever darkness that keeps you from opening your eyes, whatever keeps pulling you down, you need to fight it. I'm not going anywhere. Not until they drag me out. So, please, Riza...just _please _be OK," Roy said. He was so desperate at this point. He didn't want another person he cared about to die. All Roy wanted was to see that Riza was OK. He wanted to see her smile again. He wanted to walk beside her again. He wanted to hear her voice again, whether she be scolding him and calling him an idiot or assuring her loyalty to him. Roy wasn't sure what others would say about his list but he didn't think that wanting those things was too much to ask.

Ever true to his word, Roy stayed with Riza for the remainder of the day.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Havoc could hear him talking to her, telling her to fight. It constantly amazed him how much faith they had in each other. Roy didn't think for one second that Riza wouldn't make it. Havoc chuckled quietly as he looked up at the ceiling.

'Mustang...sometimes, he's an undeniable optimist.'

Havoc turned his head so that he was looking straight through the doorway. He watched as Roy held her hand. It was a small gesture, really, but Havoc had learned a long time ago that, with those two, it was the small things that really added up.

'If he's an optimist, though, then I suppose we all are. After all, optimists have faith, even when facing the unknown. If that doesn't describe those two, I don't know what does.'

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Later on, Havoc went into the room. Roy was still keeping a close vigil on Riza, who continued to be unresponsive.

"Colonel, we have to go. Visiting hours are almost up."

Roy nodded but didn't make any move to leave.

Havoc placed a hand on Roy's shoulder.

"I know you don't want to leave, Hawkeye, sir. I know that you're worried about her; hell, so am I! She's a fighter, though; I heard you say so yourself. She's going to be OK. When you come back tomorrow, she's still going to be fighting. As long as she's still fighting, there's going to be hope."

Roy sat there for a moment, seemingly letting Havoc's words sink in. Then, Roy slowly began to let go of Riza's hand. When he had completely let go, Roy got up to leave. Before he did, though, he reached out a hand to brush the bangs off of her forehead, his fingertips lingering on that spot as he whispered to her. Havoc could hear what was being said but he got the feeling that Roy probably didn't want him to hear.

He's not the brightest guy but even he understood that.


	4. Darkness

**AN: Aaaaaand here's chapter four! Yeah, I got it up a LOT quicker than even I expected, honestly. It's short again (I can only write so many duel chapters. I promise I'll write another one soon!) but I enjoyed writing it. Once again, thank you everybody for your kind support. Oh, and thanks to the anime K, Muse, My Chemical Romance, Mulan, The Script and Maroon 5 for making awesome songs that helped energize my typing and just make my brain work a little faster. I do not own FMA. Enjoy!**

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Darkness.

That's all Riza could see. She was not blind, she could see herself perfectly fine. No, it was the room itself that was dark, like someone had taken black paint and coated the entire room in the color, from the floor to the ceiling. Riza thought that such darkness would be like ink, that it would not equate to solid walls or a solid floor. Yet, they were somehow just that.

It was a darkness that Riza despised. Since the room was drenched in the unknown, she could not properly see her surroundings. Since the day she had decided she was going to protect Roy, she had conditioned herself to always be vigilant, to always know what was going on. This room, a room that could be hiding anything in its darkness, was the complete opposite of what she had gotten herself used to. The inability to be on the lookout and the complete vulnerability it placed on her was what made Riza hate the darkness.

This detest, however, didn't come without a stong dose of fear for the darkness. Riza knew that the only reason she had been plunged into this place, this inactive recess of her own mind, was because of the fact that she was still deeply unconscience. She was afraid that she'd be trapped in this never-ending midnight forever. She knew her fears would come true if she didn't find her way out of this permanently dark place, which, for her physical body, meant opening her eyes. She'd do anything to escape from this feared yet hated place.

Little did Riza know that the darkness felt halfway likewise about her. It hated her but did not fear her like she did it. Little did Riza know that it would show its hostility towards her very soon.

She was standing at first, her feet placed on ground that shouldn't have been so solid. When she took an attempt at a step, however, she found that it was incredibly slow-going. A downward look at her feet found them suddenly swallowed up by the dark. In a split second, the darkness had seemingly liquified.

In a panic, Riza tried to get her feet free. The darkness, however, was thick. As she struggled, the liquid moved on to her ankles. She suddenly began to fall and she opened her mouth in a soundless scream. She landed in the darkness with a small, muted splash.

Slowly sinking into darkness, Riza couldn't think. She honestly couldn't do much of anything. It was too thick, too omnipresent on her body. Even the task of breathing, which just minutes ago had been simple, now took a great deal of effort as the darkness pressed heavily on her chest. Soon, her entire body, save for her face and neck, was layered in darkness.

At that point, Riza was ready to give up. She wasn't proud of it but it's the truth. She was ready to let the darkness drown her and send her into eternal, quiet silence. She was convinced that there would be no escaping this darkness, so she was close to simply not trying. So close that, had she not heard the voice, it would have happened.

Riza did hear the voice, however. His voice. Riza didn't hear it was being loud at first but, soon, she was hearing him loud and clear. He told her to fight this darkness. Riza's eyes widened in surprise.

'How does he know?' Riza though, her first one since being trapped in the darkness. He had no way of knowing, yet, somehow, he did. He knew just what to say, if unknowingly. No matter how he knew, however, Riza knew that, now, she couldn't give up. She had a feeling that, somehow, he would know if she did.

So, she began to struggle against the crushing darkness. It wasn't a desperate or panicked struggle like when she had tried to get her feet free earlier. This time, it was determined. She wasn't giving up now. That moment of bleakness was over. She was a fighter once again.

Finally, Riza pulled herself out of the darkness, gasping heavily as air fully filled her lungs. She freed her arms and legs from the darkness and slowly regained her footing again. Now that Riza was fully free, the darkness seemed to become part of the ground once more. Riza exhaled a sigh of relief. She had made it. She hadn't lost to the darkness.

Riza's legs, which had been shaking, gave out from underneath her. She fell to the ground, her head knocking hard against the floor. She winced against the pain but a sudden, numbing feeling of exhaustion kept her from feeling much more. Riza slowly began to close her eyes, giving into her body's feverish begging for rest.

Before Riza closed her eyes, she felt a slight spark of warmth on her forehead, like someone had their hand on it. Then, she heard his voice again. He relayed his message in a whisper, yet, once again, it was heard as clearly as if he had shouted it.

"Just keep fighting. I love you. Don't forget that."

Riza could feel her mouth go up in a small smile as her eyes closed.

'I love you, too,' Riza thought, as if she could reply to him in her current state. 'I'll never forget that and I'll never stop either. I'll always fight and I'll always love you...Roy.'


	5. Memories and Black to White

**AN: So, I got this done a LOT quicker than I expected. I plan on making this story AT LEAST ten chapters long, so, if I go with the least amount of chapters, that means that this chapter marks the halfway mark. Oh goodness...**

**I do not own FMA.**

**Enjoy!**

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'Is she OK right now?'

That's what Roy thought as he lied in his bed, tired but too charged with worry to sleep. When he had gotten back to his apartment (after a quick stop to Riza's apartment to pick up Black Hayate since Roy had no way of knowing how long she would be in the hospital. Luckily, he still had the copy of her apartment key that he had made years ago), the only thoughts that went through his mind were about Riza. He had faith that she would pull through but that didn't seem to quiet his thoughts. They were going at a million miles an hour, which was a contrast from the peace and stillness of his room. His eyes drifted to his window, where the stars filled the dark sky, just like always.

The stars made a memory suddenly pop into Roy's mind. It was of something that had happened when they were both teenagers. He had been seventeen and she had been about to turn sixteen, the two of them both still living with Master Hawkeye. It was a memory that Roy hadn't thought of in a long time. Yet, it now seemed like one of the more precious ones he had of her.

_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_

_Roy passed by Riza's room, his eyes going to the door, which was slightly open. It was odd that her door was open, since she usually left it closed shut, whether she was vacating it or not. Curiosity getting the better of him, Roy looked through the gap in the door. He didn't mean to spy on her, exactly. He just wanted to know what could make the usually guarded young woman leave her door open like that._

_Roy saw that Riza was sitting in a chair by her window, gazing out of it, a faraway look in her eyes. The look captivated Roy, since Riza never had never been the type, it seemed to Roy, to daydream. In that moment, Riza didn't look like a fifteen year old girl going on twenty, with all that she had gone through. She looked exactly her age, just a normal girl staring, literally, into space._

_He stood there looking at her until Riza, who had noticed him out of the corner of her eye, turned her head to look at him. That movement broke the spell._

_"Oh, sorry. I-I didn't mean to startle you. I can leave if-"_

_"Roy."_

_This stopped Roy, who had turned to leave. She had never called him by his first name, not since he had first appeared at her house five years before. She usually only called him "Mister Mustang". After Riza gave him a reassuring smile and a slight nod of her head, her signal that he could come into her room, Roy entered. He sat down in the chair across from her's._

_"Roy, what do you think about stars?" Riza asked him, her voice still owning the soft quality that had been present when she called his name. Roy gave her a slightly puzzled look before answering._

_"I think that stars are just stars. That's all they are; a bunch of gasses up in space that form little twinkling phenomenons. By the time we see them, they are already dead."_

_"That's a very pragmatic way of looking at them."_

_Roy gave her a curious look and asked her what she thought of stars._

_"Well, I think that they are what you say they are. I also think, though, that they're the things that make the sky beautiful, like the crown jewels."_

_At Roy's once again puzzled look, Riza elaborated._

_"Like, if the solar system followed the a monarchy, with a king and a queen and all that, then I think that the earth would be the king. The sky would be its crown and all the stars in the sky would be the gems in the crown. They're just as precious. The stars are like the final touches a painter puts on a masterpiece. The picture is already pretty without it but it's those very last touches you put on it that make it beautiful."_

_Riza gave the sky another lingering look. After a moment of shared silence, Riza spoke again._

_"I know my views could be considered idyllic but, if you think of mundane things in a different way, it helps. It helps is not to lose faith in the world so easily." Riza locked eyes with Roy and gave him a small smile. "That's what I believe."_

_Roy returned the smile._

_"I think that your outlook on the world is like the stars; beautiful."_

_Riza's smile grew and, even in the limited light, Roy could see the blush on Riza's cheeks. The two were quiet for a few more moments until Riza let out a small yawn._

_"It's getting late. I'll let you go to bed." Roy got up to leave. "Good night, Riza."_

_"Good night. Oh, and Roy?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Think about the stars."_

_From that point on, every time Roy saw the stars, he always thought of them as gems._

_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_

Roy smiled weakly at the memory. It was things like that, beautiful things that she said that filled Roy with hope, that made him fall in love with her. This is why he needs her. Without her, things would be cut and dry. Without her, stars would just be stars.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO

'Now its gone from black to white.'

That's what Riza thought when she opened her eyes. Even though the color was dulled and darkened by the lack of lights and sun outside, since it was, Riza figured, the middle of the night, Riza was still shocked by the drastic change of it all. She'd spent God knows how long in that permanently dark hell inside her head and then, with a just the opening of her eyes, it was white. After a few minutes, Riza realized that this place was a hospital. A look at her arm bearing the IV confirmed this fact. Riza was alive. She was alone in this room but she was alive.

The sound of the door opening slightly startled Riza and she turned her head to investigate. A doctor entered the room, smiling a smile smile when he saw that Riza was awake.

"Ah, Miss Hawkeye, I see you've woken up. I must say, I'm a little surprised that you've woken up so soon."

Riza cocked her head in confusion.

"Was I that serious?"

The doctor nodded. "You lost a lot of blood. For a while there, we weren't sure if you were going to make it. You easily could have died."

Riza thought back to that suffocating darkness. She realized that, had she given up, she most likely would have died. Had she not heard Roy's voice...

"Doctor, could you please call someone for me?"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOO

Suddenly, the sound of Roy's phone ringing broke the heavy silence in the room. He jumped out of bed and practically sprinted to the phone, Black Hayate on his heels. Roy picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He asked, his voice filled with urgency.

"Colonel Mustang?" Roy recognized the voice of the doctor. "I'm calling you about Miss Hawkeye."

Roy's heart started beating faster. Did something happen? Had she taken a turn for the worse? Had she...?

"Is she OK?"

"She's just fine. I'm calling to inform you that she woke up."

Roy almost dropped the phone.

'She's awake...she made it,' Roy thought as relief flooded his chest. She fought and she won. When will she ever stop being so amazing?

"When can I see her?"

"Seven A.M., sir."

"Alright. Thank you very much."

Roy hung up the phone and sat down in a nearby chair. He still had about two more hours before he could see her. Until then, he would just slowly watch as a new day dawned on the horizon.


	6. Beautiful and A time and a place

**I do not own FMA. Enjoy!**

When Roy walked into Riza's hospital room and saw her sitting up in her hospital bed, the color already starting to return to her lips, he couldn't help but think that she was beautiful. This wasn't a new thought (on any given day, his mind would remark on the beauty of Riza Hawkeye at least once) but it was one of his first pleasant thought since this whole event began just one day ago.

Roy sat down in the chair next to her bed and smiled back to her. The two stayed that way for a while, neither of them saying anything for fear that they'd break whatever sliver of peace was over them at the moment. Roy mouthed "Hi" and Riza mouthed it back but that was all they did in terms of conversation during that calm. It was only after Riza frowned slightly and received a questioning look from Roy that she spoke, breaking the silence.

"I'm not going to let this happen again."

Roy's eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"Let what happen again?"

"This," Riza said, motioning to her abdomen. "I'm going to be more careful so that I don't get hurt again."

"Don't blame youself, Riza. That's not-"

"I'm not blaming myself, Roy," Riza said, her words reassuring. "I just don't want you to be hurt again because of me."

Riza's gaze went from Roy to her hands, which were clasped together in her lap.

"I hurt you," Riza said, her voice suddenly going soft. "You were afraid...you sounded so afraid and that killed me. You were scared that I was going to die. You were afraid for me. I told myself that, if I lived, I wasn't going to put you through that again."

Roy stared at her for a moment, at the curtain of blonde hair that hid half of her face, at the way she kept her gaze downcast, as if she were ashamed of herself for her confession. He could see the sadness in her eyes, a sadness that every instinct inside Roy's body was telling him to eradicate. Roy got up and sat down on the edge of Riza's hospital bed, turning his body so that he was kneeling across from her. He brushed a few stray hairs away from her face and gently took her chin in his hands so that she was looking at him once again. This move allowed Roy to see the tears that were threatening to spill from Riza's eyes.

"Riza, you didn't hurt me," Roy said, his tone tender and soft. "The only way you could ever hurt me is if you died." Roy placed a hand on Riza's clasped ones and slowly pulled them apart from each other so that her palms were visible. He placed his pointer and middle fingers on Riza's IV-free wrist and gave her a small smile.

"See? You still have a pulse; I can feel it. You're still alive. You didn't hurt me."

Riza returned the half-smile, despite the tears that were now running freely down her face. Roy put his arms around her and carefull pulled her close to him, aware of her injury. Riza clutched his jacket, her muffled sobs racking his body. Roy started stroking her hair in an attempt to soothe her.

"Shhhh, it's OK. It's OK. You didn't hurt me," Roy repeated.

The two remained like that until Riza's sobs died down and her breathing became slow and even. When Roy realized that she had fallen asleep, he continued to hold her for a bit longer before laying her back down and tucking her in. Roy sat there on the edge of her bed, watching her sleep.

He knew he loved her. It wasn't just about him finding her beautiful; it was about years of loyalty and her intelligence, her kindness that was unexpected if you did not know her. It was every part of her, the good and the bad, that Roy was in love with.

This fact was one that he'd known for years. It was, however, a feeling that he couldn't act on. In a few days, Riza would be released from the hospital and they'd have to go back to being Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye. When she was unconscious, Roy had told her his feelings but that hardly counted. He wanted to tell her so bad, he could hardly stand it. He knew, however, that he would have to wait.

'There's a time and place for that. A time and a place."

**AN: An update, hooray! Sorry that this one took longer than the past few chapters have taken; I was experiencing some minor writer's block with this one. I like how it turned out; though. It's definitely better than I thought it would be! Reviews are much appreciated.**


	7. Ten Days' Time

**I don't own FMA. Enjoy!**

'This is not going to be easy'

That's what Riza thought as she sat on the edge of her bed, using a towel to shake her wet hair dry. She'd been released from the hospital four days ago and tomorrow, ten days after this whole string of events began, she was going to go back to work and back to protecting to colonel (_not _Roy, Riza had to remind herself stubbornly; the two had gotten into the habit of calling each other by their first names while Riza was in the hospital). While she wasn't particularly hesitant to return, since she knew that nothing got done when she wasn't there, she also knew that it wouldn't be simple, at lease not when it came to the colonel. It wasn't just the casualness that would have to be broken somewhat abruptly that made it difficult. No, if that were solely the case, Riza would've resolved it in her mind already, not turning it over so many times like a dead leaf in the wind.

It was the fact that Riza didn't know if she could keep her feelings for Roy Mustang in check anymore.

Although Riza couldn't tell you the exact moment these feelings started, her best estimate would be that they began two years after he arrived at her house to learn flame alchemy from her father. It wasn't just the fact that he was handsome that had caused these emotions to begin; it was the fact that he was the first person who had ever reached out to her with the desire to get to know her. He hadn't seen her as Berthold Hawkeye's daughter (a title that, Riza knew from experience, bore more scorn from the people in town than anything else). He had seen her as an individual, as just Riza, and had treated her with a respect and kindness that the then twelve-year-old girl hadn't expected. Even at that young an age, Riza knew that this wasn't just a simple childhood crush; she loved him.

Now, they were in a position where love could get them killed. This is why Riza had tried and, up until now, succeeded in keeping her true, raw feelings for Roy hidden. If their enemies didn't know, they'd have no reason to make him her liability. If they didn't know how much he cared for him, how devastating it would be to her to lose him, they wouldn't try to kill him just to break her down. Keeping how she felt in an internal vault protected him more than any gun ever could.

In just span of ten days, however, all that was beginning to fall. After everything that happened, after Roy had told her he loved her after she escaped from the darkness, she was afraid that those carefully locked away emotions would start to become apparent. Neither of them could afford that.

Riza thought again to Roy's confession and wondered, not for the first time, if maybe his voice, his words, and the darkness were all the same: A hallucination brought on by her unconscious state. Once again, Riza concluded that all those things had been much too real. The darkness, suffocating heaviness that would have terminated her life had she not heard his voice. Then, those words, spoken so softly, like he hadn't wanted anybody to overhear them. Riza hoped that, even if everything else hadn't been as real as she thought, those words were true and tangible.

Riza took the towel off her head and placed it over a chair, her slightly damp hair hitting the back of her pajama top lightly. She lied down and pulled the blanket around herself. As sleep overtook her, Riza decided one thing: No matter how difficult it now was to keep her emotions in line, Riza wouldn't let him fall because of it.

If he ever did, Riza wouldn't be able to live with herself. Not even for ten days' time.

**AN: Was able to get out another chapter within a week! Yay! Although, honestly, I'm not too happy with this chapter. I mean, I _do _like the first half of it, I really do, but I'm really not happy with the last three paragraphs and that last sentence. Frankly, I'm disappointed with myself. You guys can tell me how they hold up (maybe I'm just being too harsh on myself) if you want. OK, I'm done whining about this chapter! I'll do better next time, I swear! **


	8. Deity

**I do not own FMA. Enjoy!**

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According to a book Roy read once in his childhood, the name Riza means "guardian". The same book also says that his name means "king" in old French. These names would later shape their lives: Roy trying to be the leader of his country while Riza acted at the guardian of both her father's secrets and of Roy himself. However, there was a time when Roy thought it was his lot in life to protect Riza and that it was her lot to be akin to the precious royalty that deserved such divine protection.

When they were younger, Roy wanted to be her guardian. He wanted to shield her from the world's dark side and only show her its beauty. Let her see the world's miracles and sweet nature but blind her to its shortfalls and bitterness. He had, in his mind, already appointed himself the protector of Riza's smile, her unbridled joy and that beautiful light that made her tawny eyes nearly glow when she laughed. It was his job alone to maintain those things, as valuable to him (and, honestly, sometimes more so) as his own life.

Now, they were older and the reality of their situation was different from the want that he had held on to. Now, she was his guardian, the only protector of his body and soul. What she was protecting wasn't just one action, one emotion. She protected his life.

There were times when Roy wanted nothing more than to stop her. When she was about to leave to put herself in harm's way, all and only for him, he sometimes wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around her and plead with her not to go or to at the very least be careful. He wanted to tell her that if she left and returned to him dead, he would surely destroy himself. After all, without the queen, the king can't make any moves.

He couldn't do that, though. To do that would be a selfish thing (although he never said he wasn't just a bit selfish when it came to his lieutenant). Instead, he offered up a silent wish (the more religious would call it a prayer), hoping that some intangible force could, _would_, hear it.

'_Please, if there really is a god that can hear me, please let Riza Hawkeye come back alive. If this is the one thing you can do for me, let it be that.'_

That was what he had prayed, had wished, on that day. So, when he heard her scream, he felt as though whatever deity had blessed him with Riza's survival all this time had forsaken him. That all those prayers, all those damn wishes, had been for nothing. He thought that she was dying or already dead and that his fealty to the unseen had been a foolish kind of it.

Now, she was OK, probably asleep in her own house, safely tucked away in the realm of her dreams. She was fine and Roy didn't know who to hold responsible for it. Had it been that deity from before, its invisible yet omnipresent force healing her just as it had allowed her to be hurt or had it been by Riza's own volition that her eyes had opened and the battle won? Roy decided that philosophical questions like that shouldn't be dealt with at a quarter to midnight. He would wait until the morning's light came before he tried to answer it. Before he let himself sleep, however, Roy had some unfinished business to attend to first.

_'OK, if you can hear me, do one thing for me: If it was you that made her OK and kept her safe all this time, please have her stay that way. If I have to go through unmitigated hell, then fine. Just keep her safe.'_

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**AN: Well, hello, everybody! Another chapter up again! As you can see, this one's a bit different than the other ones. I really liked writing this, though. It took me about three days to write the rough draft, so it wasn't easy. Actually, this final product is a complete 360 turn from what I was going to do originally but I think it all worked out in the end.**

**Hope you enjoyed it!**

**Edit: I realized I didn't rely this little piece of information, which is that this is set the same night that chapter seven was set in. Meaning, as chapter seven is going on with Riza, this is what Roy is thinking. Really, this chapter is all one big thought XD. That is all!**


	9. Promise (Last Chapter)

**AN: Once again, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Enjoy!**

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As far as Riza was concerned, silence wasn't something that was a surprise when it came to her and Roy. A lot of their relationship, whatever kind it may be (at this point, Riza wasn't too sure), was draped in it. It was never unwelcoming or misplaced, however. Any time silence fell between the two, it always seemed to fall at just the right time, right when the colonel and the lieutenant needed it the most.

If there was a type of silence that Riza wasn't used to, though, it would have to be the charged silence that had fallen between them that night. Riza had returned to work that day and her and Roy had been forced to work late into the night to get things caught up (as Riza had suspected, not much had gotten doing in her absence). Due to the time of night, Roy had insisted on walking Riza home and, after a few failed attempts to convince Roy that she would be OK, that she was armed if she ran into anybody who meant her harm, Riza finally conceded to his offer. Now, as the two walked, this charged silence buzzed around them. The power that made this silence reside in its own category was one of hard thinking on both of their parts, of little being said verbally. The former was especially true, if Riza's small headache and Roy's unfaltering gaze at the path ahead was any indication.

Riza was brought out of her reverie by a sudden tug on her hand. She looked, her eyes widening slightly when she saw Roy's gloved hand in her own bare one, his fingers laced in her's. Riza opened her mouth, about to question his motive behind this action, but Roy beat her to it.

"Lieutenant...you know I care about you, right?"

Riza blinked, surprised by this sudden question. Still, she nodded.

"Yes, sir."

Roy smiled at her, his grip tightening just the smallest amount.

"Good."

Silence befell the two once again, this type not as charged as its predecessor. Finally, after a few moments and a sharp intake of breath, Roy spoke again.

"I care about you. So much so that I'm not going to take the coward's way out to say what I'm about to say to you. I'm not going to say this just to myself or when you're lying in a hospital bed, dead to the world and me not even being sure if you can hear me. I'm going to say this to you right now, while I still can say it and you can still hear it because-"

"Sir," Riza said, effectively cutting him off. When he looked at her in surprise, Riza gave him a small, teasing smile and said, "with all due respect sir, please spit it out. Whatever you have to tell me sounds important."

Roy gave her a half-smile and nodded. After another deep breath, Roy turned to her and grabbed her other hand, looking deep into her eyes.

"Riza Hawkeye, I love you."

Riza's heart, which had picked up speed when Roy first took her hand, seemed to stutter at his words. He said it. The words she had wanted to hear him say for the longest time had come out of his mouth. She remembered him saying those same three words to her after she had freed herself from the darkness. This time, however, the impact was greater on her. This time, she was conscience enough to appreciate them.

Still, just because she had wanted to hear those words for God knows how long, that doesn't mean she was necessarily prepared to hear them.

The shock must have been apparent on Riza's face, since Roy chuckled slightly and smiled warmly at her, extricating a hand from her's and placing it on her cheek.

"I love you, Riza. I'm sorry it took me this long to say it out loud to you...and I'm sorry I won't be able to tell you this more often. Trust me, if I could shout my love for you from the top of the tallest building in Amestris,- hell, the tallest building in the _world_- I would. I can say it now, though, and you can hear it now, like I said. I-I almost lost you and I realized that you or I or the both of us could die tomorrow, so...so if that does happen, at least I would know that I told you," Roy said softly. He swiped a thumb across Riza's cheek. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

Riza, having been unaware of her tears previously, swiped at them with a closed hand and shook her head, trying to ward off any more tears that might appear.

"It's nothing to be sorry about. I'm crying because I'm happy. Roy...Roy Mustang, I love you, too. I love you," Riza repeated, the volume of her tears increasing, despite her best efforts to halt them altogether. Roy put his arms around her, holding her close. After a moment, he brought his mouth close to her ear.

"Riza, I want you to promise me something. Please wait for me. Wait until I _can_ tell you that I love you every single day. Wait until I _can _profess my love from the rooftops so that the whole damn world can hear. Protect me now in caring...but remain by my side in loving. Can you do that for me?" Roy whispered.

Riza removed her face from Roy's chest to look at him, her eyes still glassy from tears. She smiled at him and replied, her voice the same quality as his.

"Do you even have to ask?"

**FIN.**

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**AN: Well, here we are. The last chapter. I know I promised ten chapters but, at the end of the day, I couldn't find any way to squeeze out another chapter of this. I don't like to force things, so that is how this ended up being a nine-chapter story.**

**It's really hard to believe that I actually did the one thing I never thought I'd do, which is write and complete a multi-chapter fanfiction, Royai or otherwise. This story, I feel, helped me improve a bit as a writer and made me do things I never thought I'd do in a story. It had me delve into themes that I never really considered and, in chapter three's case, had me write for a character I had never even THOUGHT to write for before. I feel an amazing sense of pride in completing this story and I also feel a little sad. I mean, I committed two months and twenty days (eighty-one days, to be exact) to this story and now, within the course of a few hours, it's done. This story was no bed of roses, no fanfiction ever is, but I had an amazing amount of fun writing it. All in all, I wouldn't trade the time I spent working on this story for anything, not even for a chance to make Royai canon! (OK...I'd have to think about it for a little bit but I still wouldn't trade it!)**

**I want to thank everybody for reading my story. I want to thank all the people who reviewed this story at any point, who watched it at any point, who put this story among their list of favorites at any point. Heck, even if you just read it but didn't do any of those three, thank you so much for reading it! Just...thank you. Thank you so much.**

**I hope everybody has a very happy new year. Until next story (or, most likely, next one-shot)!**

**-VA.**


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